Hold on.

How do I explain it?

I can't.
It's this fragile little thing and I feel like if I breathe too hard, it'll break.
Shatter.  

Sometimes, I want to live in this moment forever.

That way, I'll know and I can stop being a mess.
I can stop trying to decide because it's taking a toll on me.

My brain hurts.
No, my heart hurts.
No, I don't know anymore.

Sometimes, I feel like you know me better than I know me.

And that scares me.

To-do.

So I organized my thoughts while I showered today and I would like to add some items to my to-do list.

1) Go to Scotland/ Ireland.
2) Be in a flash mob.
3) Go to Australia.
4) Go to Italy and France again.
5) Go to Eastern Europe.

Also, after I showered, I was towel-drying my hair and I rubbed my ear by accident and my earring fell out. I couldn't see without my glasses/ contacts but I heard it fall and bounce around on the floor.

Couldn't find it after I put my glasses back on.

Conclusion: I lost my earring.

That is all.

PS. I love the people I work with.

Breather.

Sometimes you forget what life is all about
and then something happens.

- your favourite song comes on the radio
- you make friends with a stranger in a doctor's waiting room
- you laugh at something funny
- you make someone else laugh
- you help an old lady cross the street
- you have a heart-to-heart
- you re-strengthen your ties with someone you love
- someone tells you, "thank you" for something - anything

and you remember.

S2


... Today was a good day.

 

HEEEE.

self-explanatory.

Don't Think.

Just Do.

Here goes everything.

Let it go.

I don't know what's out there.
I don't know if I'm ready for it.

I know that sometimes you have to cry.
Sometimes you have to be hurt.
Sometimes you have to hurt others.
Sometimes you need to put others' needs before your own.
Sometimes you make others sad so they can be happy later.
Sometimes you have to move forward when you're not ready.
Sometimes you have to let go before you're ready.

This is me, letting go.
I have to let it be.
Let it lie.

Really on my own this time. 
I'm afraid.
I'm vulnerable.
They don't really know.
Nobody does.

Bravery. 
Courage.
Determination.
Inner strength.

I'm hiding.

Here's to hoping...
That there's someone out there
To catch me when I fall.

My papa.

Today, I was telling my daddy about my life as per usual.
Here's an excerpt from our conversation...

I asked:
"Daddy, where are all the cute single boys at?"

Do you know what he said to me?
He said:
"The fire department."

ROFL.
My dad is the definition of awesome.

S2

Cookie monster.

Cookies.

My guilty pleasure.

Forget.

Dear opposite sex,

You know how lots of girls are closed off when you first meet them and it takes them a while to warm up to you or take you seriously because they want to be cautious and they don't want to get hurt

It's because they've been burned before.

Everytime you get hurt, you're a little more closed off and a little more careful with your heart.

My friend once said: "You have to be careful because if you're not, the good girls can turn into bad girls because bad boys mess with their heads."
Anyway, the point is: play nice.

Thanks.

PS/ Girlies, I know it sucks but life goes on, yes? PRINCE CHARMING IS OUT THERE SOMEWHERE - don't miss your turn at bat because you're still in the outfield. Wow, I just made a sports analogy and it wasn't even with basketball.

GO ME!

You know...

Hi,

My name is Stella.
I have a Blackberry Bold 9700.
and I am a BB-aholic.

You know you have an unhealthy attachment and addiction to your Blackberry when:

1) You think the light is flashing when it's not.

2) 50% of the time it is definitely faster for someone to text you to ask you a question rather than to ask you in real-time (even if they are with you in person).

How could this happen?
Well, think about that friend you have that answers your question with "uh huh..." or a non-sensical mumble before resuming their bbm conversation or updating their facebook status. SURE, they get back to you 5 minutes later but the answer is so delayed that you don't even remember the question anymore.

Okay, okay. Truth is, I do it all the time but in my defense, I AM listening and I DO answer your question eventually, don't I!?  

3) You check your phone every time you walk from point A to point B: (a) at point A, (b)usually in transition at some point and (c) once you reach point B. 

4) You impulsively reach for your phone every 2-4 minutes. It's like that ratty old teddy you took everywhere with you when you were like, 4 years old.

5) You bbm while walking across the street... and down the stairs.. and there's been more than one occasion where you have walked into a wall, or door, or fallen down the stairs or tripped because of it.

Yes, I have done all of the above but in my defense, I'm a natural born klutz.

Is that how you spell klutz? It looks funny.  Maybe it's with a 'C'?
Whatever, I'm not submitting this to be marked.
Don't judge me.

6) You will stand in a group of your friends and have a BBM conference with them instead of talking to them face to face - you know, because you can. It makes all those kids with non-smart (aka stupid) phones JEALOUS.
Bahahah - I keed, I keed.

7) You tell your friend you just have to answer a text first - it'll take 5 seconds. They say: "Sure!" because they're SOOO understanding.

Five minutes later, you are now bbm-ing two different people and updating your facebook status.

Oops. - time flies when you're having fun?

8) You take your phone everywhere with you - even the washroom. 

9) If there was a fire, I'm pretty sure one of the top 5 things I would grab would be my Blackberry... along with my laptop, PS3, external hard drive and as many clothes, purses and shoes as I could carry. 

10) I got nothing but who creates a list with only 9 items!? This will be number 10: Blackberry, Crackberry, Blackberry. 

I need to... disconnect to connect

 

New and improved.

I changed the layout.

Holy crap.

It took a lot longer than I thought it would.

I did.

Hmmm, I'm loving this song.

Today, I was driving while blasting this song and singing along at the top of my lungs. Then, at a red light, while singing the chorus off-key and in front of some construction workers who were doing who knows what (nah, they weren't good-looking for those of you who are wondering)... I realized that my windows were down.

Oops.

I just gave you a free concert!
WHAT UP.

Impossible - Shontelle.
I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love
I did, I did

And you were strong and I was not
My illusion, my mistake
I was careless, I forgot I did
...
Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof tops
Write it on the sky line
All we had is gone now
Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible
...
Falling out of love is hard
Falling for betrayal is worse
Broken trust and broken hearts
I know, I know

Thinking all you need is there
Building faith on love and words
Empty promises will wear
I know, I know
...

Asshole.

I just had to share.

HEEEEE.

Twenty-two.

One year older, one year wiser.

When I blew out the candle on my birthday cake, I rattled off a list of wishes in my brain. Yes, a LIST. Don't lie.. I know you guys do it too. It was my birthday - I can be greedy with my wishes if I want to. They don't always come true anyway... I know because I think I've made the same wishes every year since I was in high school.

Maybe that's why I have a list - because I just keep adding on when the first ones don't come true.

NO, I do not wish for my own pony anymore (although note: that never came true - go figure).

and NO, I'm not listing them on here because then they for SURE won't come true. Cross your fingers for me.

ANYHOW:
Watch me ramble.



I don't know how I did it but I talked for 4 minutes + again. I'm convinced I could probably carry on a full conversation by myself so long as I have someone to talk to... or at.

Perspective.

*warning: it's impressive how long I can talk to a computer screen for.

Quotes on my wall:
1) Do not fear going forward slowly; fear only being at a standstill.
2) Live with no regrets. Love with no limits. Above all, enjoy yourself; it's later than you think.

Other quotes I like to keep in mind:
1) Be kind; everyone is fighting their own battle.
2) If it's good, then it's great; if it's bad, then it's experience.
3) Treat the earth well; it was not given to you by your parents - it was loaned to you by your children.

I feel like I learned a lot this summer. About myself, about others and about life. I grew a lot this summer and I loved every minute of it.

I'll never forget the summer of 2010...

Notable items:
1) Watching the sunrise in Punta Cana.
2) Jumping off a cliff.
3) Horse trekking through the Swiss countryside.
4) Skinny dipping. twice.
5) Backpacking through Europe.
6) Cuba
7) CNE
8) Playing football and volleyball at the beach.
9) Watching and um, banana-ing in the live sex show in Amsterdam.
10) Hiking in Grindelwald, Switzerland.
11) Peddle boating in Iseltwalde, Switzerland.
12) Sleeping for two days straight after a hash brownie in Amsterdam.
13) My first concert - John Mayer with Train opening.
14) Crashing a classical music concert.
15) Being followed by a creeper in Munich, Germany.
16) Offered money for sex. twice.
17) Hit on by an old dude. Like, a really old dude.
18) Woke up drunk.
19) Driving with the windows rolled down, blasting music and singing along with my girls.

The next time I blog or vlog, I will have started a new chapter of my life: Work.

OOOooOh, I'm shaking in my boots from anticipation.

BRING IT ON.

My goodness.

I.
Am.
Never.
Drinking.
That.
Much.
Ever.
Again.

EVER.

I:
1) puked my guts out
2) got threatened by a bouncer
3) made friends with the washroom attendant lady
4) got thrown into a cab (literally)
5) fell on the floor. twice.
6) re-twisted my right ankle
7) have a huge bruise the shape of a ghetto cell phone (because those ones are bigger) on my left thigh
8) woke up drunk
9) have a massive hangover
10) can't even look at chocolate cake without wanting to puke. CHOCOLATE CAKE PEOPLE.

=(

Baby, I like it.

It's weird sometimes that listening to certain songs can make you happy or sad.. or ridiculously emo.

My happy playlist
Enrique Iglesias - Baby, I Like It
Jason Derulo - Ridin' Solo
FloRida ft. David Guetta - Club Can't Handle Me
Mariana's Trench - Celebrity Status
Bruno Mars - Just the Way You Are
Lady Antebellum - any of their songs rock my world.

My emo playlist
Evermore - Light Surrounding You
Eminem ft. Rihanna - Love the Way You Lie

I think I'm lacking sad songs.

=)

And when you smile,

The whole world stops and stares for a while.
Cause girl, you're amazing.
Just the way you are.

Best. song. EVER.

I literally listen to this on repeat - it's like a song full of compliments so really, you can't go wrong... oh and the tune is pretty and Bruno Mars has the voice of an angel.

Also, last night, I watched The Last Song. That dude and his character are dreamy, okay? Country boy with great morals and values.. drives a pick-up truck.. plays volleyball... volunteers for an aquarium. Do guys like that really exist? Doubtful but PLEASE, PLEASE prove me wrong.

Okay, enough about me and my whiney self. I feel like I'm whinier when it's rainy or overcast outside - which it is.

A friend of a friend wrote this up - it's his "ideal girl" criteria. My friend sent it to me and thought I would appreciate it because I guess I seem like the kind of person who enjoys reading other peoples' lists of girl criteria.

Who am I kidding, I love it.

Here it is:

Thoughts and comments?
It's pretty realistic. Nothing TOO crazy in there I suppose but I thought a couple of things were worth mentioning:

1) Smart but not smarter - HAHA. I liked this one - it made me laugh. Nothing wrong with wanting an educated girl and wanting her to think you're really smart... I mean, who doesn't want to feel smart all the time. Ego boost FTW.

2) Has to know how to dance - hmm.. he needs to be more specific.. foxtrot? waltz? salsa? grinding? because if it's just the latter, she just has to pretty much sit on you on the dance floor while you move her around a bit....that sounds really dirty.

Grinding is pretty dirty now that I think of it. Whatever happened to the good old days when the Hand Jive was all the craze?

3) Looks-wise - he's very realistic; he probably described about 50% of the female population.

4) Handful - first of all, handful of what? I assume he's talking about boobies. Yes, I call them boobies - it's a funny word. In that case, how big are his hands... BAHAHAHA. Let's assume that he means B or C cup because otherwise, he has baby hands.

5) Bubble butt - HAHA. Not saggy and not flat - realistic. Except when I think bubble butt, I think Beyonce and J. Lo.

I think if he means not saggy and not flat.. he just wants a butt. period.

6) Cuddly but not clingy - awww, he likes to cuddle but when he doesn't want to cuddle anymore.. you better let go. None of that saran wrap shizz. LOL, get it? Because saran wrap is clingy? Yeah, i'm like the definition of corny.

7) Good at making out/ giving head/ spits or swallows - so bluntly stated. I want to say that I think making out is an opinion because person A could think person B is good but person C could think person B is shit depending on how person A and person C make out. Whoa, that was algebra-esque.

Also... this guy has high standards for head - thou shalt let him finish in your mouth.

8) Has to drive stick - I agree, girls who drive stick are hot.

9) Same taste in music - I think this is kind of weird for a criteria. It's nice to date someone who has the same taste in music but I really don't think it's necessary. Besides, if you have different taste in music - you get to learn more and know more genres... right?

If there are girls out there who fit this criteria, holler at this boy.. whoever he is. He's searching for his soulmate.

Good luck friend.

Now, somebody make an "ideal boy" list and send it to me.

Spanks.

...If perfect's what you're searching for then just stay the same - Bruno Mars.

Germany, Austria, Switzerland.

I couldn't think of a creative title for this blog entry so.. I figured, let's keep it simple and the result was *see above* TA DAAA..

So for some reason, I thought that I had already started writing about these countries and all I needed to do was finish it off but I got to my blog editing page and there was no draft so I was a little sad but it's okay because I actually feel like putting my random thoughts into black and white on my computer right now - or green and grey, whatever.

Germany
1) Go eat currywurst. It's this sausage with curry sauce and curry powder on top. I have no idea exactly what goes into it but it's unbelievably delicious. I remember when I had it, the people made me pay 1 euro deposit for the plate and then in order to get my 1 euro back, I needed to return the plate when I finished eating and show them my receipt to make sure I hadn't stolen the plate from before...

I guess people steal plates in Europe.

2) Schnitzel is a traditional German dish - basically, deep fried pork chop. It tastes like pork katsu. Nothing special to be honest but I was in Germany so I thought, what the hey!

3) The market in Germany was unreal. Everything was so fresh and everywhere you turned, there was some sort of food. My only regret was that my stomach wasn't big enough and I didn't have enough money. Stupid small stomach.

So I just noticed that all my interesting notes about Germany are about food. NICE. Clearly, food is very important to me... and my lifestyle.. of eating.. all the time..

Austria
1) They blow raspberries when they talk. Like, they'll say something and it will sound pretty serious and then all of a sudden they go " PFFFTTTTTBLLLLL" ...

I remember the first time I heard slash saw it, I literally thought " W.. T... F, SHE JUST SPIT ON ME." but I'm just a tourist so I didn't say anything.

Thank goodness I didn't say anything since it's a cultural thing. ROFL.

2) In Saltzburg, there's nothing for young people to do since all the older people occupy the bars and generally, they're pretty pricey. We were looking for something to do at night so we asked a lady who told us that everybody sits by the canal to drink/ smoke and they also hang out at Mcdonald's.

We thought she was lying to us because she was trying to preach religion to us and she wouldn't want us to go clubbing and such. She was telling the truth. People really hang out at Mcdonald's and.. sit on the side of the canal playing cards at night.

LAME.

3) Go to the ice caves. It's worth the money. It's really cold. Bring a jacket. That is all.

Did you know that...
a) Saltzburg is named that way because they have rich salt deposits?
b) They have the biggest ice caves in the world in Saltzburg?
c) The Swiss alps range from Vienna, Austria to Marseilles, France?(we went to both places)
d) The highest point on the Swiss alps is Mont Blanc in France?

That's what my tour guide said and she cost us 50 euro, so you know that's legit.

Switzerland
1) People in Switzerland have really nice small straight noses. I want one.

2) Switzerland was our last stop so it was really bittersweet, I didn't want it to end and I really fell in love with this country. You need to go at least once in your life. The nature is amazing and the air is so fresh - the whole lifestyle.. unbelievable.

3) In Geneva, when they say hello or goodbye, they kiss thrice - alternating cheeks as they go. It's not like in France where they kiss twice!

4) I rode a horse in Untrsaan, Switzerland which is the countryside (and Switzerland is already pretty country already so imagine how beautiful it was). It was me and my guide. Her horse kept farting in my face but surprisingly, it didn't smell too bad - I was thankful.

Also, horse flies are SO SCARY. Huge mofos.

I hate bugs but after the Eurotrip, my tolerance has definitely increased. GO ME!

5) The water in Switzerland is really really cold. I know because I went skinnydipping in it. WHAT UP.

Next entry... will be more general now that you all have the basic information down pat... and by basic information, I mean whatever random thoughts occurred to me while I was in Europe.

=)

PS/ Last night, I was watching MTV and I heard Paul the Intern use this pickup line - GENIUS that he is: "You're so hot, you're making my beer warm."

love it.

Paris onwards.

So as things happened throughout my trip, I made sure to take note of "important" things on my bb.

Here's what I got for the remainder of the trip which I haven't spoken about but obvi, there are other things too in terms of what I'll miss, some memorable quotes and such which I will post up later.

Paris
1) Paris has really hot black girls. Seriously, the hottest I have ever seen. I was impressed.

2) Paris had a shitload of guys walking around in navy uniform. HOLLER at me bahahah i joke (kind of)

3) Interracial couples were HUGE here.

4) Once again, they had souvenir condoms. Maybe it's a European thing.

5) Women don't believe in bras and when they do wear bras, they wear see through clothes.

We adapted to the point where each morning, one of us would wake up and say:

"Guys, do you think this is too revealing..."

to which we would respond:
"Pshh, it's okay - we're in France!"

6) Basically, Paris is like Toronto but French.. and more romantic and artsy. There's more graffiti and it's a bit cleaner.. and the subway system is way crazier but yeah, JUST LIKE HOME.

Brugges
1) Go eat stroop waffle. It is amazing.

2) I biked from Brugges to the border of Netherlands and Belgium. It was amazing and honestly, even though my bum was literally bruised from sitting on a bike all day long - I would do it again.. twice.

Amsterdam
1) It smells like weed everywhere and when it doesn't smell like weed, it smells like pee because well, don't get me started on the public washrooms for guys which are literally little sheets of metal and boys pee on the street while watching people walk past them. Yeah... it was.. interesting.

See what I mean by "they're so OPEN."

2) I had a 1/3 of a hash brownie and passed out for 2 days. Yes, I am the definition of weaksauce. It was a yummy brownie though.

We went into a cafe and like noobs, looked at the menu and didn't see the brownie on it so we asked the server and she said:

"Go see the dealer."

WHOA, there's a dealer in these cafes and he has his own little counter with different weed and hash brownies and stuff...

3) Yes, there are girls standing in windows in Amsterdam who sell sexual favours. Some are hot, some are not. I feel like they have girls for.. every fetish you could possible have - older, younger, taller, shorter, thinner, wider ... you name it - they got it!

The best was when we were walking by and we saw this guy come out and he thanked the girl for her services. LOL. so legit.

Europe in general
1) There is a ridiculous amount of PDA. Like, by the end of it - when I saw people making out in the streets, they just blended into the background... it was the people lying on top of each other making out and pulling at each other's hair in the middle of a public park that got my attention and even then... it was kind of like: "whoa they're getting into it.. ehhh... seen it."

2) They are SO liberal. Like, people ask you to have threesomes with them. They're not afraid to stare you down or holler at you in the streets. It's surprisingly refreshing aka Canadian boys are pussies. That's RIGHT - I said it.

Prove me wrong bahaha.

S2
Germany, Austria, Switzerland = next post...
my fingers are tired.

Whoop whoop!

I'm back and I'm alive.

Insert round of applause.

I have so much to share and write but let's be serious, I don't have the time to do it all in one sitting or right now because I have a shitload of stuff sitting in my room waiting to be unpacked and now I think I'm getting sick.

Plus, I need to catch up with my family and friends so... I will be very slowly blogging about my trip, my reflections and my revelations.

Keep you guys on the edge of your seats, you know?

I will tell you I took a bunch of videos on my bb.

BB FTW.

Gotta run errands now.
Gosh Wal-Mart, how I have missed you.

S2

mi piace Italia.

Okay, so I haven't really had a chance to write since... Nice.

My apologies - here is my brief update because right now, I stink like tea tree oil and tiger balm (which I slather on after I shower because of all the ridiculous mosquito bites I have... and to keep other mosquitoes away from me) and I am sitting in the hostel lobby so that everybody can appreciate my stinkyness and enjoy this newly created mosquito-free zone created by yours truly.

Europe in general...
1) They have really happy train sounds - like everytime they're about to make an announcement, I want to do a little dance.
2) They have condom vending machines on the street. LOL.
3) Girls wear longer shorts here than in Canada... guys wear shorter shorts here than in Canada... gender equality FTW!
4) Spanish boys > Italian boys > French boys ... I think... so far, but we are off to Paris tomorrow so maybe the big city boys will step up their game.

Nice, France...
1) They have a very efficient medical system

Venice, Italy...
1) Infested with mosquitoes. We totalled 30+ mosquito bites after Venice... impressive, I know.
2) It gets dark super fast and rains like crazy there when it does rain... and the water goes up to like your shins. We were running and splashing and screamingh - it was like a water fight but nobody was throwing water.. except the sky. lol. we got SOAKED.

Florence, Italy...
1) Seriously, you need to see this city by motorcycle. It's... beyond words.
2) Live music at night in the piazzas... and the musicians are pretty good too!

Rome, Italy...
1) Damn public transportation strikes. They strike once a month and today happened to be the day. We walked a bit over two hours to get back to the hostel. Man legs. Seriously, wait and see!

Italy...
1) The guys here are bold. Like ridiculous bold and not just young ones. Old ones too. Old men make lewd gestures at you

Ex. One stopped me and stuck his tongue out and wiggled it around, then he made the shape of like.. a woman's body with his hands.. then he started thrusting.. his body. Yeah. it was.. so.. so.. awesome.

That's all for now...
Arrivederci!

Nice, nous sommes en Nice!

The European keyboard is mad trippy.

This post will take three times as long to write because the keys are mixed up here!

Interesting facts to note:

1. Barcelona was mad tourist-y... they sold souvenir everything. SERIOUSLY... even souvenir condoms you know, in case you want to reminisce on the ... safe sex you had while there? Who knows. lol.

2. There are jellyfish in Nice when you go to the beach

3. They are HUGE on bread and cheese here.

4. There are bugs in my Nice hostel

5. A random Venezuelan man got into our room in Barcelona and then got kicked out, waking the whole room up.. and then arrested.

6. I have a huge mosquito bite.

7. I have a sore throat.

8. I walk a damn lot here and will have man legs when I get back.

Barcelona.

First day here!

1. Got 0 sleep on the plane because of the weird time difference
2. The keyboard is really weird and I have trouble typing
3. Met people from Australia and Japan already
4. Some of these streets smell like pee. like Chinatown.
5. Lots of boobies on the beach.
6. Everybody keeps saying 'Ni hao' and assuming I don't speak a word of Spanish.. or English.
7. I love striking corny poses with Cin and Ade for three person touristy photos
8. My ankle is hurting already because of all the walking.
9. They have people on the beach who offer you massages, sunglasses, wraps and drinks among other things. I mean they come up to you and say "Massage, massage! 5 EUROS! Very nice!" to which you reply "No, thank you."
10. They have lawn chairs at the beach. We sat down on them and some dude told us we had to pay. We immediately moved to the sand.

Adios!

Adios Canada!

Me.
Cin.
Ade.

Backpacking.
5 weeks.
Europe.

Any blogs from Europe will be super brief and unedited... or nonexistent.

Just living the dream.

I need a hip girl.

Talking to my guy friend.

Friend (F): I need a hip girl
Yours Truly (YT): What the heck is a hip girl ...
F: Like hip man, in style. I like the ones that live downtown.
YT: So like, keep up with the fashion trends kind of thing? You don't need to live downtown for that.
F: Yeah, but I prefer it.
YT: ... so you like the party girls who live downtown and keep up with fashion trends.
F: Haha, YEAH!
YT: I still don't get why.

... and the conversation didn't really progress from there but I thought I would share.

hah, hip girl.

A male perspective.

To be honest, I have no real idea how this conversation started but the following facts are true:

1) It started on BBM. Therefore, Blackberry > iPhone.

2) I took out some parts of the conversation to save you some tediousness.

3) I actually gave up some serious naptime in order to have this conversation because I found it THAT interesting.

4) My friend wanted to remain anonymous so.. he asked for an alias. I obliged but he chose this one all on his own: Mr. Onewonders... I know, he's so clever.

5) I've decided that girls deserve a male perspective on life as we know it so that's what the conversation below focuses upon.

So basically, what I gathered from Mr. OneWonders and some other dudes I've talked to are the following points but to be honest, girls are so much more informative. Guys are very "meh" on the whole topic.

Mr. Onewonders did say that it varies from guy to guy (which is a given). Interesting fact: in order for Mr. Onewonders to decide whether he likes a girl or whether he should pursue her, he has a series of "funny jokes/ questions" and depending on how she responds, he will.. act accordingly. Yeah, I was fascinated too but he wouldn't tell me what the actual questions were. Sorry girls.

Points (gathered from some of my other guy friends)

1) Physically speaking, guys want a girl who is 'fit'
They said that it shows the girl takes care of herself. If a girl takes care of herself and looks like it then it makes the guy want them because.. if the girl doesn't want to take care of herself then what guy would want to take care of the girl.. or something like that? It's interesting that it actually makes sense, isn't it?

2) A sense of humour
Yeah, boys like when you can genuinely laugh at their jokes - but... girls like when you laugh at their jokes too... go figure.

Side note: The worst is when you make a joke and you're the only person laughing - at your own joke. Story of my life.

3) Independent
If you're not independent then you don't really know how to take care of yourself and well, refer to number one. Also, guys don't want to be like.. your life source. They want to be depended upon but only up to a certain point aka. don't be that super clingy crazy chick. They want you to be independent but not so independent that you don't need them... ehh.. makes sense.

Side note: refer to the song, Miss Independent - Ne yo

4) Package deal
Guys don't see the little things. Well, that's what one of my friends said but I beg to differ. He told me that guys don't really notice specific things - they moreso look at you as a whole and think: "hot" or "not hot". So.. I guess, don't worry about whether your hair looks exactly perfect because chances are, he won't notice.

Well, that cuts out a good 5-10 minutes of my 'getting ready' regime. HIGH FIVE.

5) Pretty/cute vs. Hot
Varying opinions here so really, it depends on the boy. I was told by one friend that pretty/ cute is preferred over hot BUT opinions of whether a girl is pretty, cute or hot depends from guy to guy. Also, Mr. Onewonders said that hot/cute/pretty does not matter at all but he always thought the girls he dated were hot (even though after they broke up or what not, he would think differently). The point is, he thought they were hot when they were dating so - beauty does lie in the eye of the beholder.

6) Sense of style
They like when girls keep up with the trends and I think this varies from guy to guy - some guys like the sporty girl, some like the casual trendy ones and some like the super girly ones. Meh. I guess it makes sense though because a girls' style can tell you a lot about her like whether she would rather play beach volleyball or sit in the sun for 4 hours tanning .. or do a bit of both?

I think there's more. I know there's more but I don't remember off the top of my head. I guess I'll have to post another entry on this when I get the chance.

A lot of these traits or what not are pretty physical. Boys are visual creatures to start off with I guess and girls are typically more.. emotional and they don't mind talking about feelings and such? So I guess it explains the difference in the lists...

Oh, if I could be a boy for a day...
LOL - so much in life might be explained.

I love food.

So everyone who knows me knows that I love food minus mussels and oysters. They taste like ocean.

I like to eat things that are bad for me and I like to over-eat. I eat when I'm sad. I eat when I'm happy. I eat when I'm bored. I am so screwed when my metabolism slows down. In fact, I think it's started slowing down. I have steadily gained weight since I got back from the Dominican. Slow and steady wins the race but not in this case, my friends.

Anyway, the fact is that I like to talk about food. If you talk to me often, you've probably heard me give advice or speak in food terminology at one point or another.

Here are a couple of statements that I've used myself or that I've heard from others. Enjoy.

"He's like strawberry ice cream. You love strawberry ice cream but don't you want to try another flavour? How will you know that you don't like butterscotch ripple better?"

"Honestly, you should give him a chance. It's like an acquired taste. When I was younger, I hated mushrooms and now I love them so things change."

"She's like kobe beef.. it's really, really good... but what if deep down, I'm a vegetarian?"

"It'll get better in time.. you know, like when you make soup you have to simmer it for a long time so the flavour is JUST right but if you leave it there for too long, it gets too salty."

"He's hot. Like curry."

This is me, rambling.

Don't give me dirty looks when I drive.

I already feel bad enough. No need to guilt trip me - sheesh.

Besides, it's not my fault the car making a left turn across from me is literally in the middle of the road so I can't make my own left turn and I have to back all the way up because that lady with the big-ass visor won't turn even after I tell her to and the light is red already and I don't want to get into an accident.

On another note, I was washing my hair the other day and I decided to read the back of my conditioner. It made me giggle. Haha.

Herbal Essences is pretty jokes sometimes. Maybe I'm just easily amused. Yeah, that's probably it.

... Continued

Fine. I'll finish this list but I'll have you guys know that the A/C in my house is broken and I am sticky and gross. I just ate a box of maple cookies (whoever invented cookies is amazing) and after a bit of hassling from a friend of mine, I have decided to momentarily stop facebook stalking and finish this three-part but now turned four-part blog series.

Here's the continuation of items that girls look for in a guy and why..

Disclaimer: not all girls look for the same thing and in no way at all is this my personal list - that's a secret I'll never tell. xoxo - Gossip Girl (haha. I crack myself up)

The list:
6) Great smile
You want to hang out with someone who you like to see smile. So if they have a nice smile, you want to make them smile so you can see that smile and so on and so forth. That's my logic. Besides, smiling makes people more beautiful - it's like seeing a kid's face light up at Christmas.. usually.

Take care of your smile - don't smoke. Brush often. Floss. Wear your retainer.

7) Taller
Notice how I said taller and not tall. Most girls like to date guys who are the same height as them or taller. Why? So we can wear heels and not look like giants next to you. We like to look (and feel) petite and small. It's preferred over.. looking and feeling like a giant.

If you're short, no big - height's not always a requirement. Besides, someone at the beach told me this weekend that people who are taller than 6 feet are more likely to have cardiovascular problems and die earlier. So.. there's a trade-off for being tall?

8) Intelligent
Self-explanatory. Who likes talking to someone who can't stimulate them intellectually. Not smart = dull conversation = no chemistry = no potential.

9) Humble
Surprise surprise. Being cocky is not attractive- nobody likes a sore winner. You know, the one who massively showboats and rubs it in your face? Confidence though - that's another story. Confidence is key. It shows that you know what you want and you know who you are so it pretty much bumps you up in every other category. Makes you inspirational, goal-oriented etc.

People just naturally want to be around someone who is confident because that person will have charisma - people want to follow you. Even if you have a quiet kind of confidence and not a loud kind.

10) Spunky
The first time I heard this one, I said: "WHAAA...? You want a guy who's SPUNKY?" and I immediately thought of some guy with a green mohawk and nose ring with one hip jutted to the side and his head tilted on an angle giving me attitude.

Upon further explanation from her, this is what I gathered. Being spunky means the guy is mean to you. Not actually mean, but teasing mean. Basically, he has to be a good flirt in a grade 8 or high school kind of way. I told you, everyone's lists are different. Let's explore this a bit more.

Example -
G: "You're kind of a fatty."
Spunky boy: "No, you're just too skinny." OR "You're a fatty! Look at those arms!"
Unspunky boy: "Yeah, I need to lose weight."

HAHA. Get it now?

11) Genuine
We can tell when you're the smooth-talking douchebag type. Usually. We're on our guard but sometimes you get to us anyway. The point is that if you're a genuine nice guy, we can see it (even if it takes some time to) and you get brownie points for that.

Nice guys don't always come in last. Douchebags do. Nice guys win awesome prizes - it just takes them longer to get that awesome prize but douchebags win prizes and then lose them shortly after. Does that makes sense? In case you didn't get it, I used 'prize' as a subsitute for 'girl' in this... (insert name of literary device).

12) Nice/ kind/ generous
Seriously self-explanatory. Assholes suck - they use you and lose you. I just made that up and it rhymed. Awesome.

FYI:
Being kind or generous is not just applicable to your family/ friends - it's to the general public. Oh trust me, girls take note of guys who get up to offer their seats to senior citizens... or those who open or hold open doors for others. Even if they're nice to their waitress or tip well. Yepp - we keep tabs on this stuff. Tells you a lot about a person.

To be honest, I feel like it tells you a lot about a girl too (if you're a guy trying to decide whether you want to date a girl or not). Inevitably, people put up fronts in order to make good impressions when they're on dates and such - that's why many say you should date your friends since you already know them and their quirky ways. If they weren't your friends first then you take a look at how they treat the general population as an indicator of their person. If they're nice, that's a pass and if not, well... that's a fail.

13) Inspirational
You want to be with someone who you can look up to in a sense, respect is probably a better word. Respect and love - so important in a relationship. Besides, they'll make you want to be a better person and that's always key. Self-improvement can help you grow as a person.

14) Sweet/ charming/ romantic
Some girls won't admit it but every girl out there wants that fairytale romance. Sure, sure, it doesn't exist - it's only in movies. But there's over 6 billion people in the world. Someone out there has to have that fairytale romance. Right?

Honestly though, it's not hard to fulfill this characteristic. It's in all the little things. You know that song in Enchanted? It's called "That's How You Know".. YouTube it. Don't be lazy - that's the first step in failing this characteristic because really, all it takes is a bit of time and some thought on your part.

15) Supportive
Be dependable and loyal. Period. You should be there for her through the storm, want only the best for her and to make her happy. Yadda yadda yadda. Like in the movies.

We want to know that you won't bail when the going gets tough, right? Otherwise, that means you didn't like us very much to begin with... or we're not worth the effort.. or you're a quitter.

16) Decisive
Girls like boys who can take charge of a situation. I don't care if you're deciding what movie to watch or where to eat for dinner. Still shows you're the alpha male, the leader etc. Obviously ask for input though - don't be bossy about it.

Interesting fact: girls are usually pretty indecisive. Heck, we already have to decide how to do our hair, make-up and what clothes to wear when we go out with you. Now, we have to choose where to eat too? Ay carumba. I kid, I kid! But guys being decisive is really refreshing at times. Why do you think on Valentine's Day, it's always the guys' responsibility to plan out EVERYTHING?


I bet you anything that if you're a dude, you went through the whole list and thought to yourself one of many things:
"Am I witty?"..
"Yeah, I'm pretty intelligent and I'm sweet too."
"... Damn, I'm a catch."
"Shit, I'm not any of these (or enough of these)."

Haha, this isn't a comprehensive list.

Don't worry if you're not any of these things - there's more characteristics out there that girls look for in a guy. But maybe worry a little because seriously, there's 16 characteristics listed here...

Whoa. I wrote a lot. If you read all that, you're a trooper.
High Five!

Girl dates boy.

Look, the three part blog series: (1) girl meets boy, (2) girl likes boy, (3) girl dates boy. If only life were that simple.

I am writing from my bed right now because I am the definition of lazy and my bed.. well, it's damn comfortable. So, final installment - you know how ... I think it was in 'girl meets boy', I mentioned that one of the most common conversation topics is what a girl looks for in a guy? They vary from girl to girl but maybe some explanation is required as to why girls look for certain qualities in guys.

What makes you a good catch? Well, being good-looking helps but the following explanations (I'm sure there are more than I'm listing) will give you something more specific to work with. Maybe it'll explain why that one friend you have always gets the girls' number or why girls just flock around him like.. pigeons flocking to bread crumbs.

Here we go:
1) Ambitious/ goal- oriented -
He knows where he's going in life and he knows how to get there. It's so attractive when a guy is successful or will be successful. It's just human nature - if you're going to find a 'mate', find someone who can support you financially in the future.

Also, this links to the guy being able to motivate you to be a better person. That's the whole point, right? - you want to meet someone who makes you want to be and who actually makes you a better person. They can inspire you to do bigger and better things, to approach life with more gusto and so on and so forth. Why do I sound like a self-help ad?

2) Family- oriented -
If they take care of their family, they'll take care of you and again with the whole 'human nature' thing, you want to know they'll support and care for whatever family you might potentially have in the future. Wow, so I just realized that I make it sound like girls look at every guy like a potential future husband. Whoa, creepy. This is human nature dudes - we don't consciously think about it... it just happens.

3) Funny -
Who doesn't like the funny guy - the one who can always put a smile on your face. Note that types of humour vary. I like corny humour but other girls are into the 'intelligent, witty' humour or sometimes, there's crude humour.. or anecdotal humour etc. What does that say about me? I don't know and I don't want to know.

4) Arms/hands -
Okay, I know this is weird. But two reasons:
(1) if they have nice arms, it means they work out and they take care of themselves health-wise. Plus to be honest, it's just hot.
(2) arms/hands are important because that's what guys hold girls with? They are used as instruments to make us feel small and safe whether your hands are around our waists or holding our hands. Yeah arms, dudes - forget your chest and abs (those are important too but biceps FTW!)

5) Witty -
I guess this kind of coincides with intelligence and types of humour that you like. If he's witty, you know he can think on his feet? I don't know. This one isn't really mine, not that I don't appreciate some wit. Wit is a weird word.

... Okay, I just realized this is super long. I have 15 in total and I'm hungry.

I'll finish this later.

Girl likes boy.

You know, when a girl likes a boy - they make it pretty obvious... but maybe not to the boy. I have to admit that sometimes, girls send really weird mixed signals (not me - I am super bait) but yeah, it happens.

What guys don't get to see is the behind the scenes action when a girl likes a guy. It's actually freaking adorable. You know even if the girl doesn't explicitly say they like a guy - you can totally tell. Boys don't typically get to see these reactions but I wanted to share because I think it's absolutely "awwww" - worthy.

1) She smiles at her phone -

Probably because she's reading some text message or bbm or msn message. This is your cue (as a friend whether you're a girl or a guy) to ask: " Who's the boy?" or "Who are you texting?" Usually, I just jump right in with the: "Is he hot?". See, I'm a straight shooter.

2) She checks her phone every 2 minutes -

Not always an indicator of a boy but if you know there's a boy in question... she is probably waiting on some sort of a response to the last message she sent.. or facebook stalking using her data plan or something. Okay, that isn't too cute. In fact, it's kind of creepy. Take it as a form of flattery dudes. I know you facebook stalk too - it's like a disease.

3) Word vomit -

Coined from the popular movie, Mean Girls, she mentions the name over and over and over again. Honestly, this doesn't necessarily have to do with guys - the same applies to those funny stories or anecdotes that I'm sure you've heard from your friends. You know, the crowd pleasers you've heard a bunch of times and you have to tell your amazing friend that you've heard this story already. Four times.

4) She gets the giggles -

I really don't think boys see this. Even if they have lots of girls that are friends just because it's such a girly girl thing and it takes some tact. Usually, the giggles occur when one friend (usually a girl because really, it's hard for boys to say these things and not sound weird or awkward) inserts the phrases or similar phrases into the conversation: "awwww, you liiiiiike him" or "awww, you guys are cute".

Yes, yes, welcome to high school. This is followed by the subject friend getting the giggles about whatever boy (or girl - no discrimination here) happens to be the topic of conversation.

5) She smiles when 'the name' is mentioned -

This is my favourite. It happens with boys and girls. Because when that name is mentioned whether I'm talking to a guy friend about a girl he's seeing or a girl friend about a guy she likes - you get to see it in that smile. You probably know the one. The shy smile or the gleam in their eye. Says it all. SO OBVI.

So cute.
bahahah.

Just my random observations, I suppose. But they're pretty general - if you didn't notice these things before, you'll start. Trust.

Girl meets boy.

For some reason, a lot of my friends are talking to me about boys. Probably because I give such expert advice. NOT. But seriously, maybe because I'm a really empathetic person and it's easy for me to relate? Or try to? Anyway, the next couple of blog posts will give guys a general idea of the average 21-22 year old female's thought process at this point in our lives.

This is GENERAL. Obviously, different girls have different thoughts but from what I can gather.. this post and the next two pretty much sum up the current state of mind.

Given the fact that we're all graduated now, there seems to be some general panic or thought process going through a lot of peoples' heads (I will say mostly girls since I really haven't talked to any of my guy friends about this).

Girly conversation topics
1) The "pool" - basically, the amount of eligible bachelors is thinning out because "the good ones" are getting scooped up quickly and since we're graduated, we've lost lots of opportunities to meet new people especially since we'll all be busy with work now.

2) The "one" - this conversation of course, concerns the whole wedding conversation aka. who's going to get married first, are you already with the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with? Can you see yourself with him forever? Are you going to have cute babies?

I know, female conversations are interesting ... no, we're not obsessed. It's just fun to talk about. Don't think we're crazy - it's just what girls do when they're bored. You have to admit - it's an interesting conversation topic. Think about it as an equivalent to the guys' conversation topic - "Would you do her?".. wait, we have those kinds of conversations too.

Oh well - the point is, we're not crazy.

3) The "crazy cat lady" - this topic is basically for the ones who think that based on topic number 1 and as a result of the added pressure from topic number 2, they'll be lonely and terminally single forever.

Honey, you will not be lonely and terminally single. There are still plenty of fish in the sea and not all of them are... what's a gross fish? Barracudas? Whatever - you know what I mean.

4) What a girl wants - this one is super fun to talk about and totally self- explanatory. You either go on and on about someone you've been with or someone you want to be with or your supposedly 'perfect' person. There's quite an impressive list of characteristics that you come up with.

Seriously, if there was some kind of man machine, I think most girls mentally have some sort of list already put together that they could input.

5) If only - this conversation usually has something to do with something or someone you can't have. On the other hand, it could totally be about someone you had but they were missing something or the situation made it difficult for it to work out.

You need more than just love or attraction to make things work you know. Timing is important too. Timing, family, friends, commonalities etc. Yeah.

If a relationship was a food, it would be a really complicated recipe.. like.. some really amazing cake battle on the Food Network with all the time it takes to bake the different flavours and layers into the cake.. then you have to make the icing and lay the fondant on top just right.. and then of course there's the sugar spinning and decorating.. and the cake has to balance because obviously it would have more than just a couple of tiers.

Hmmm.. cake.

Anyhow, that's my shpiel.
More to follow.
Are you boys learning enough about girls already? I feel like some of these conversations are so obvious - I'm sure you've heard us have them before.

Now I want cake.
Literal cake as in.. I want to eat cake.. and digest it in my stomach.

I'm thinking chocolate with vanilla icing?

The moment I wake up.

Before I put on my makeup
I say a little prayer for you
While combing my hair now,
And wondering what dress to wear now,
I say a little prayer for you

We meet so many different people everyday and we make so many friends.
Each person you talk to, smile at, learn about - they make little etches into your heart, your mind and your soul.
You never really forget anyone.
Not anyone - those chance meetings, those moments.

They shape you.

I still think about people who've changed my life.
From yesterday, a week ago, a month ago, years ago.
Moments that have made me who I am today.

Maybe you think I don't remember you.
Maybe you think you weren't important.
But chances are, you were or are.
You may have taught me something that day that you and I didn't even know.
You may have made a lasting impression on me but I never let you know.

If you're reading this now, whoever you may be - then thanks.
For the experience, for the moment and for the life lesson.

I won't forget.

I'm tan.

Just look how dark I am in this vlog compared to earlier vlogs.

It's a little gross.

I'm peeling like:
1) a banana
2) an orange.. or
3) really old paint.

Monochromatic.

I used to think everything was black and white.
right and wrong.
clear as day.

the more i think about it, the more shades of grey I find.

I guess that means we and our decisions are all hidden in shades of grey until that shade one day becomes black, white or if you're lucky - technicolour.

Back.

Back from vacation and you realize what a difference there is between the environment in Punta Cana vs. Toronto.

The hustle and bustle, the lights, the blackberries, social media tools...

I miss the simplicity of waking up everyday and deciding whether to go to the beach or to the pool... to go to a la carte or to go to the buffet.

I miss being able to eat and drink and not bring money with me.

I miss being uncluttered.

I feel cluttered. Can a person feel cluttered? I have these vague to do's in my mind.. I have thoughts running through my head that I don't know how to deal with yet. I don't want to deal with them yet.

I want one thing but I want the other. The two are mutually exclusive - which makes the decision and the pending consequences more difficult to handle, to assess.

You can't please everybody.

The most you can do is make the best decision that you can - for yourself, and hope that everything else falls into place.


Well, at least I've got time on my side. I love you, time.

Lost.

"Not all those that wander are lost."

Sometimes, we're just looking for something new.

Something missing.

Something more.

Something inspirational.

But we are not lost.

Not yet.

Not so long as we do not lose ourselves -the original.

The simple things.

I find that I'm starting to appreciate the smaller things now. The miscellaneous unimportant things.

I like driving with my windows rolled down blasting and singing along to music whether it be The Killers, The Veronicas, Nickelback or Paramore.

I like walking outside while enjoying an ice cream cone.

I like laying in bed for an extra 5 minutes trying to mentally go through my closet to decide what to wear.

I like seeing old couples hold hands as they're taking a stroll outside or through the mall.

I like, no love Superkid ice cream.

I like watching chubby asian kids run around with oversize backpacks. They remind me of Russell from Up.

I even kind of like picking up my dad from work and updating him on my life.

I like not having to worry about school.

I love thinking proactively about where I want to be, what I want to do and how I'm going to get there.

A wish right now.

I've been neglecting this blog, I know.
My posts aren't going to be constant anymore - I'm going to be playing a lot more and at my computer a lot less!

I've been too caught up with summer - with keeping myself occupied to keep my mind off of other things that I've put in the "I will deal with you later" category - I'll regret that later, mark my words.

Oh well, I'm going to take it day by day; moment by moment.

That's hard for me. I usually think 6 months ahead. And keep everything colour-coded too.

Major items?
Step 1: Formal
Step 2: Punta Cana
Step 3: Europe
* With some random outings in between, I'm sure!

Currently on repeat & "Song of the Summer"?



Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now.
Wish right now.
Wish right now.

An old assignment, a new project.

I was putting my 4th year stuff onto my external hard drive when I came across a short story I wrote when I was in grade 11.

I think I want to write again. It's another way to express myself - the same way this blog is a form of expression and self- exploration.

A new storyline? or a more elaborate venture into the plot and setting I wrote 6 years ago? Who knows.
I've copied and pasted it below so feel free to read it if you have the time and let me know what you think.


The Empty Canteen
By: Stella Au

The sunlight was fading into a soft evening glow as the men sat around outside their tents exchanging crude jokes and stories; some sharpened their knives as they talked, others shined their guns. The air was heavy with the smoke from their cigars; laughter, yelling and the shouting of foul language could be heard throughout the Tai Jaed camp.

Trivari, a young man of 21 with a muscular build and dark complexion, and his best friend, Kyan who was lankier with a tanned complexion sat with three other men, eating the evening meal. The two had met when they were only boys and had joined the Tai Jaed together, one right after the other.

At the moment, the Tai Jaed were in hiding from the government who were pestering them to stop their recruitment of children. So far, they had been able to keep a low profile; the group hadn’t been in any military action for weeks. Trivari was getting edgy but he knew how important it was for them to avoid the government’s accusations. The fact that the Tai Jaed had children in their ranks made them advanced over other terrorist groups. The younger they were, the easier it was for them to be persuaded into becoming suicide bombers, not to mention how intimidating an ambush of about 500 children could be.

“Triv,” Kyan called, “Triv!” he waved a hand in front of his friend’s face.
A smart knock to his head snapped Trivari out of his deep thought.
“Ai, what was that for?”
“Pass the beans, Triv.”

Trivari obligingly handed the beans to Kyan and the men resumed their banter. It was dark outside and some of the men began to retreat into their tents. The crisp night air seemed to be telling Trivari to stay still, and he did. He closed his eyes and thought back to his past.

******************

The vulture’s cry echoed in his ears. It had been circling him for days since he had run away from his village with nothing but a water canteen. He had returned home one day only to find his mother gone and what little furniture they had disheveled and broken beyond repair. He knew she wouldn’t be coming back. The Mai Nenye had taken her away. They were renegade men, bandits, who rode across the land in groups of five and sometimes more. Ruthless and barbaric, they often captured women to use as they pleased, then disposed of them after they had had their fun. Trivari shuddered to think about this and rapidly blinked his eyes hoping to erase the image from his mind.

He was alone now; walking endlessly it seemed, with no destination. He felt the sand scrunching in between the toes of his bare feet and he became more aware of the scathing heat from the sun. His water canteen was empty now; he tried to strain the last few drops from it with no success and his parched lips bled with a desperate need for water. Never had he felt so abandoned.

Tired, hungry and listless, Trivari collapsed under the shade of a tree and fell asleep. He was awakened by a tapping on his head. He quickly jumped up, only to see a boy about his age crouching close to where he had been lying.

The boy laughed and said, “You jumped so fast! If I had known you were this easily scared, I would have woken you up with a yell! Then I wonder how far you would have jumped huh!”

In his shock, Trivari could not laugh at the boy’s playful remarks. Instead, he wondered who this fellow could be. As if the boy could hear Trivari’s thoughts, he began to speak again.

“My name’s Kyan. I’ve run away from my father so that I can join up with the Tai Jaed!” Kyan’s eyes sparkled as he spoke.

At this, Trivari’s eyes widened. The Tai Jaed was a terrorist group.

Kyan rambled on, “They’re a tough group to find but if I walk around long enough, I think I’ll eventually meet up with them. After you’re officially in with them, they pay you and they don’t even hit you if you do something wrong…”

Kyan kept talking but Trivari was barely listening. He had noticed large red welts on Kyan’s arm and guessed that they were from his father so the boy must have run away for a good reason.

“…and now all I have to do is find them and convince them to let me join!” Kyan finally finished.

Trivari looked at Kyan and offered him a small smile. He had not heard all of what the talkative boy had said but he had heard enough. Perhaps he too, would join up with the Tai Jaed. He scoffed at this thought, as he was certain the chances of finding the group were minimal, if not impossible; and began to think of his other options. They were nonexistent.

Trivari looked at Kyan and Kyan gazed back with expectant eyes. Trivari cleared his throat.
“My name’s Trivari.”

It was the beginning of an unbreakable friendship. They talked about everything but there was an understanding between the two that their pasts were a touchy subject and a topic to avoid in conversation.
The two wandered far and wide together, all the while searching for the Tai Jaed. They drank water from wells, rivers and were constantly filling Trivari’s water canteen. They stopped at villages to beg for food and money but at times, the amount of food and drink was so meager; the boys thought their lives would surely end due to sheer exhaustion, and hunger.

The day came when Trivari and Kyan, in the midst of their begging had chance enough to hear about the Tai Jaed’s whereabouts.

“I saw them, I swear!” They had heard one man say to another. “I thought for sure that I was a dead man but they didn’t see me!” he boasted.
“So where are they now?” asked the man’s comrade.
“They headed North, I think they set up camp up there tonight.”

The man casually threw a coin into Trivari’s open hands and sauntered away with his friend.

“Did you hear that?” Kyan said excitedly, “They’re so close! We have to get to them! The sooner, the better!”

Trivari was full of uncertainty. Truth be told, he hadn’t taken Kyan’s ranting about the Tai Jaed seriously and he couldn’t bear to lose his friend now. He looked at Kyan and right there, in the middle of the street, words began to pour out of his mouth.

“I don’t want you to join them! Don’t do it!”

Kyan was shocked and puzzled.

“Why not!?”

What had started out as a conversation had turned into a yelling match.

“Because… because… I don’t want to lose you as friend!”

Kyan looked at Trivari, still mildly confused. Desperate for a reason for Kyan to stay with him, Trivari took the plunge and used his last available ploy.

“The only reason you want to join anyway is because you know they won’t hit you like your dad did! I wouldn’t hit you either!”

Trivari was amazed at the words that had just come out of his mouth; they had been uncontrollable, like word vomit. Kyan was surprised as well. For the first time since Trivari had met him, he was speechless.
“I… you… don’t ever talk to me again!”

Kyan turned and ran as fast as he could. He had tears streaming down his face as he ran North towards the Tai Jaed’s camp.

Trivari tried to run after Kyan but soon stopped, gasping for breath. Kyan had always been the faster runner. Night soon fell like a blanket, enveloping Trivari in its folds. He curled up into a ball and cried himself to sleep. For the first time in a long while, he felt utterly alone with only his empty water canteen to keep him company.
Trivari closed his eyes tightly, trying to shut out the piercing beams of sunlight as well as the events of the day before. After a few seconds, he gave up and looked about him. It was morning already. He walked around listlessly for a bit, chewing on a bit of bread he and Kyan had found the day before. It was gritty but he was in no position to complain.

After about fifteen minutes, Trivari couldn’t lie to himself anymore. He didn’t want to be left on his own to fend for himself and Kyan was one of the best friends he had ever known. He had been wrong in mentioning Kyan’s father and he knew he had to apologize. He set out to find Kyan after stopping at a well to get a sip of water and to refill his canteen. The water tasted refreshingly sweet and Trivari licked his lips as he began to jog in the direction where he had last seen Kyan headed in, north.

Trivari ran, then walked, all the while calling Kyan’s name. It began to get darker and he was about ready to give up hope when at long last, he saw a campfire and several tents pitched in the distance.
“Kyan?” Trivari whispered to himself.

He began to run towards the camp; he had no idea what he was doing. This was the most irrational he had ever been. When he got to the camp, he realized that it was none other than the Tai Jaed’s. A unique odour of sweat mixed with cigars filled Trivari’s nostrils as he quickly scoped out his surroundings; there were rough-looking men about. Some of them, upon hearing Trivari’s frantic gasping for breath, looked up to see a boy of about 12-years-old. Trivari was greeted by intimidating stares and he wished right there that a black hole would open up underneath him and swallow him whole. However, he stood his ground and approached a man who was sitting on the ground with one knee propped up, he had a pipe in his hand.

“H…Hi,” Trivari managed to stutter, “have you seen a boy…a… about my age? His name’s K…Kyan.” Trivari’s face turned beet red.

Without a word, the man pointed to a tent whose flaps were open. It was light brown in colour, not unlike the colours of the ground it was pitched upon. With confidence that he didn’t possess, Trivari walked over to the tent, paused in front of it, took a deep breath, and stepped inside.

******************

Trivari took another swig out of his water canteen. It had probably been through more bumps and scrapes than he, himself, had been, but it still worked for him, all the same.

“Hey, Triv, are you coming in or what?” Kyan asked as he held open the tent’s flap.
“In a bit Ky, you go first.” Trivari replied.

The tent’s flap made a swishing noise as Kyan let go and it fell closed. Trivari smiled as he thought of the night so long ago when he had apologized to his best friend for the harsh words that had tumbled out of his mouth uncontrollably. It had taken a while to convince his friend to forgive him but he had been relieved when he had heard the words, “Okay, I forgive you.”

At that point, Kyan had already joined the Tai Jaed and Trivari was torn. He was forced to make a decision right then and there whether he would join the Tai Jaed or wander around alone for the rest of his life. He had thrown caution to the wind and joined the group.

Now, Trivari screwed the lid on his canteen closed and took a deep breath, filling his lungs with the cold night air and exhaling slowly. He looked around to see the shadows of his comrades in their tents and a feeling of fulfillment swept through him. The Tai Jaed was his family now and he knew he would never be alone again.

Hey pretty lady.

Do pickup lines really work?

It depends on the girl and it depends on the pickup line.
I, for one, enjoy the corny stupid ones. Or the ones that are clever at least.

boy: Hey there, I didn't get your name.
me: Hi, I'm Stella.
boy: Oh, nice to meet you. I'm awesome.

* 2 second pause

me: I'm sorry, did you just say your name was awesome?
boy: Oh, did I? Sorry - I meant to say my name was ______

clever. funny. not too in your face. that's a winner.

I also (like a loser) enjoy this one though it's never really been used but kudos to whoever uses it because all it can do is make the girl laugh... or look at you really funny:

"If you were a burger at McDonald's, you would be the McBeautiful. "

HAHAHA.

Beautiful.

Somebody I love once said to me:

"People are always prettier when they smile."

Que sera, sera

When I was just a little girl,
I asked my mother,
What will I be;
Will I be pretty?
Will I be rich?
Here's what she said to me.

Que sera, sera

Whatever will be, will be.
The future's not ours to see.
Que sera, sera.

What will be, will be.

Que sera, sera.

Why?

Unedited.

Do you ever take a step back from your life and examine it?
I mean, truly examine it? ... And you wonder how you got there or here?

I did that recently. I know how I got here and I know why. I just don't think this is where I wanted to be or where I want to be. I took a detour on my life plan.

It's not a bad thing. Every decision that I have ever made brought me to where I am today and to who I am today. I don't have many regrets. If I have regrets now, I know they won't be regrets when I look back in 10 years and see what types of decisions I made... and how they've shaped me as a person.

I feel like decisions, life experiences - they shape us. Not the actual decisions and experiences... but how you decide to deal with them - whether they make you stronger, funnier, smarter, or kinder, they change you.

They made me.

I would be a different person if any of the decisions I made would have been different.

When you think about it, it's funny. Even if it didn't shape you as a person - even the smallest decisions that you make - ordering from Mcdonald's instead of Swiss Chalet, buying one top instead of another... would have or could have affected someone else's life.

Life is about making choices - they teach you that from a young age - to separate right from wrong and so on and so forth. They just don't tell you why these choices are important. I wish I had known earlier.

20/20 hindsight right? Well, I may not love where I am now. But I know who I am and I can see where I want to be.

I'm going to fight to get there.

Unnecessary.

Why do people, and yes I am guilty of this too - say things that just DO NOT need to be said? Is it just human nature, or do we really just not think?

Here are a couple of examples:

Exhibit A
When I can't find my keys or my student card, or that really cute black tank top (that really just looks like every other black tank top I've ever owned) and I ask for assistance or make a general comment on the matter...

The response?
"Oh Stella, it's in the last place you look."

Obviously. Thanks tips. I'm not going to keep looking for something after I find it.

Exhibit B
When people talk about an item they own after receiving a compliment; let's say a car or an article of clothing and they say:

"Yeah, it's old now. It used to be new."

Really? It didn't used to be old?
I guess this doesn't apply to second-hand items though.. but that's another story.

I'm not a hater or anything.
Remember, I do these things too.
I'm just making an observation.

Cool, huh?

Hiatus.

In the final stretch, friends.

It's so hard to concentrate.

cankle def'n: an obese or otherwise swollen ankle that blends into the calf without clear separation between the two parts.

It's my life.

I appreciate the concern.
I appreciate the insight.

But at the end of the day,
It's my choice.
I make my own mistakes.
I'm responsible for my own failures.
I suffer the consequences.



I'm in charge.
It's my life.

Oh dear.

Last night, I woke up at around 3am to go to the washroom.

Trying to walk there was the biggest mission of my life.
Super pain.

I legit debated crawling there but then I ended up hopping.

I hopped to the washroom and then I hopped back.

Forget limping to Superpub. I'm bringing crutches if I can.

Side note:
Happy April Fool's Day!
I wish my injured ankle was a joke. A very bad joke.

"I am a warrior."

Title dedicated to Faizel, who made me repeat the mantra while in pain, with tears streaming down my face.

Today, the day before Superpub, around 6:00pm, I was BBMing a friend when I was going down the stairs.

I missed a step, rolled my ankle, fell and wound up with a twisted ankle.

First thought: PAIN. PAIN. PAIN.
Second thought: crud, can I still wear heels tomorrow?

I struggled into the marketplace and found some loves of my life.

Spanks to:
Danny and Faizel - my doctors. Even in the face of pain, you made me smile.
Adam and Faizel - my ice fetchers. So key.
Key - my ambulance. I enjoyed it when you walked me to my door.

Find me at Superpub; I'll be the one in flats, with an attractive limp.

Shoutout to Chris (because he's cool, even though he indirectly injured me through BBM)

Lesson: don't BBM and walk at the same time.

Wooh!

Finished all my classes and in my last one now, doing a presentation.

Then I'm done all my school-ich classes FOREVER.

"... is it clear?" - That's my prof. talking.

OH, side note - amazing conversation I had yesterday...

me: are you coming to superpub!?
boy: I don't know... it depends.
me: on..?
boy: I need to get a haircut so I look nice.

LOL.